What Doesn’t Work: Taking legal advice from Vice President Joe Biden: “If there’s ever a problem, just walk out on the balcony here…walk out and put that double-barrel shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house.” It doesn’t work because you might be charged with a felony if you actually do walk out of your house and discharge a firearm. See the true story here. Read More
Here are tips about what works and does not work:
- What does not work: When you wake up, you are shocked to discover your car windows bashed in. When the police show up, you tell them that you heard the glass breaking at 5:42 in the morning and saw your neighbor running back into his garage with a baseball bat. When the police cross the street to question him, you think, “Sucker! That will teach you to sneak your trash into my garbage can!”
Here are tips about what does and doesn’t work in our legal system and why.
- What doesn’t work: Giving your sober buddy ten bucks to wear a Darth Vader mask and blow into your ignition interlock device (IID) and then try to hold your breath until you make it to the nearest bar.
What Doesn’t Work: You see the lights flash and hear the siren. As the source of the lights dawns on you, you pull over, trying to get yourself together. And why are those lights so bright? A knock on the window, an unsteady exit from the car, and you hear yourself speaking some angry words to the police. When they ask you to take the field sobriety test, you cannot see the line, let alone walk it. The rest, as they say, is history: a DUI charge and conviction. Read More
What Does Not Work: Claiming that the excruciating pain from your inoperable cancer can only be helped by smoking a little marijuana — “This is medical marijuana, man — and if I lose my drivers license, how will I will I get to my chemo appointments? I probably do not have that long to live, anyway.” Read More