What Works: Clear your record! If you ever made a dumb mistake in the past and ended up with a criminal record, get it expunged. A criminal record will almost always come back to haunt you sooner or later in job applications, promotions, volunteering, etc. Visit UTexpungement.com to see if you are eligible.
What Doesn’t Work: Using your graffiti tag to sign citations and/or court documents.
What Works: If you are ever accused of something criminal, don’t say, “You can’t prove it!” or “You have no proof!” Even if you’re innocent, it just makes you sound guilty. Unless you can honestly say, “I didn’t do anything,” or “I’m innocent,” then don’t say anything at all, unless it’s, “I’d like to speak with my attorney please.”
What Doesn’t Work: Bribing the officer with your Café Rio left-overs: “C’mon man, it’s still fresh…and you can have the rest of my Big Gulp too.”
What Works: Getting your probation done early! Probation requirements can drag on for years and often cost more than the original fine. If you finish everything early and ask the judge to end probation you can save yourself hundreds or thousands of dollars.
What Doesn’t Work: Telling the female trooper she looks good in those pants. She doesn’t. Nobody does. They’ve had the same belly-button-high waistband design since 1988. Don’t mention the hat either, it’s a bit of a sore spot.
What Works: When you get the bad end of a meeting with the police, take immediate notes about as many details as you can remember. Officers usually don’t remember the stuff that wins your case, just the stuff that hurts you.